“Tears are for the weak. Real men don’t cry.”
Foolishly thought by some, this idea is forever exposed.
In my last post, I embedded the most emotional video that I’ve ever seen. In it, Faith Harris-Green says of her ex-husband and children’s murderer – “You are a devil in disguise. You are now forever exposed.” In the same way a devil disguises evil intentions, people – particularly men – often disguise their true emotions for fear of appearing weak. But emotions of all kinds, from sadness to joy to passion, are natural & restricting them does no good. Not only do tears lead to significant health benefits, but exposing emotions shows a powerful self-awareness and fearlessness.
From tragedy to passion, let the tears flow. Halle Berry in the movie Things We Lost in the Fire shows her strength of character by exposing herself through tragedy tears after her husband dies (Video Clip). Like many people do when tragedy strikes, she let out her emotions. On a different level and deemed less socially acceptable are passion tears, which stem from pride toward a particular goal.
After winning the 2011 NBA championship, Dirk Nowitzki burst into tears as the buzzer sounded (Video Clip). Though authentic enough to show emotion, Dirk instinctively went to the Mavericks’ locker room so his passion tears wouldn’t be exposed to a public audience. That’s what people, and to a greater extent men, are unfortunately conditioned to do.
Watch Kevin Garnett let out passion tears in the interview below. Though I abbreviate the clip in quotations, you gotta’ watch it from 4:18 – onward to get the full value of this segment.
John Thompson (4:18): “What’s driving you?”
Kevin Garnett: “That I’m losing, I’m losing. I’m losing. (KG directs video to cut) … In my personal world I’ve dealt with some bigger things than this, but this is the priority at hand and this is what’s in front of me, you know. These are tears of pain … A lot of pride. It’s eating me up … I hate that I’m like this in front of you right now man.”
JT: “No, I respect you for showing these emotions. I don’t disrespect you one bit for that.”
KG: “(tearing up) … F*** it’s killing me. I don’t really like showing emotion man ‘cause it exposes you. But you feel me.”
JT: “Do you think what you’re showing now is a sign of weakness? This is strength … You’re showing strength. That’s the thing that’s so refreshing to me about it.”
KG: “But I don’t want to be like this man. You know, I’m a strong dude and people that’s watching this, I don’t want them to think I’m weak but I do give a lot man. I give 2 cent. It ain’t because I got to; it’s in me. I came out the womb man; it’s how I am. I’m built like this. You don’t play ball cause you got to. You don’t run sprints ‘cause you got to. I don’t have to go into the gym and put up extra shots ‘cause I got to. I ain’t got to do none of that; it’s how I’m built. This is me. It’s how I’m built. I’m built like this … Whatever we’re doing, I hate to lose …“
KG’s real pride and willing-to-die-to-live competitive spirit was so strong that he refused to accept his Timberwolves would be losers. He cared so much about the task at hand to win that losing ate him up. And take note that even KG – one of the most emotional/intense NBA superstars ever – was reluctant to show his passion tears in this interview. It’s a fascinating reality (and generalization) that people hesitate to show their own emotions (like KG in this clip), but at the same time encourage others to show theirs (like JT did in this clip). And I’m not excluding myself from that statement. On a deep level, I broke down and cried in a very real dream a year+ ago. I realized I was holding something in that needed to be let out. Though I feel self-aware with my feelings, like most men (and people really) I’m a work in progress when it comes to exposing emotions. I recognize that in myself … Do you?
Jim Valvano – “There are three things we all should do every day … #1 is laugh … #2 is think … And #3 is you should have your emotions moved to tears … If you laugh, you think, and you cry that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day.”